Penny Panda and the Emotion Ninjas by Nicole Oke
How to Help Your Child Navigate Big
Emotions Before Big Events
By Nicole Oke
Big events often come with big emotions—especially for kids.
In the world of a child, everything from a birthday party to the first day of
school can feel monumental. So, how can we, as parents and caregivers, help our
children understand and manage their emotions before these big moments?
Step 1: Practice Makes Progress
Start Small.
Practice emotional awareness and management in everyday situations. Make
talking about emotions part of your daily dialog. Remember, you’re their
biggest role model. Share your feelings with them—whether you're excited,
overwhelmed, or angry. This not only strengthens your bond, but also shows them
that it’s okay to talk about emotions.
Get Descriptive.
We often use words like mad or sad when in reality we are feeling more complex
emotions like frustration, irritation, disappointment, overwhelm, or grief.
Make it a point to use the best word to describe your emotions when talking to
your children. The more words they have in their emotional vocabulary to
describe how they’re feeling, the better they’ll be at managing those emotions.
Use Examples. Encourage conversations about what other
people might be feeling. Books and movies are great tools for this! As you read
or watch together, ask your child how they think the characters are feeling and
what they would feel in that situation. This gives them a safe space to explore
different emotions without the pressure of experiencing them firsthand. A
wonderful book you can use to practice is Penny Panda and the Emotion Ninjas
and a movie I highly recommend is Inside Out 2.
Name It to Tame It.
Help your children label their emotions, starting with the positive ones like
joy, excitement, and pride. For example, after they ace a homework assignment,
ask them how it makes them feel and help them find the right word. This simple
act builds their emotional vocabulary and self-awareness. The more time we
spend thinking about how we are feeling, the more aware we become of our
emotions. As your kids become more comfortable with naming positive emotions,
gradually start to introduce more complex emotions.
Step 2: Prepare and Set the Stage
Set Expectations.
If you’re heading to a birthday party, talk about what they can
expect—everything from who will be there to whether they can have both cake and
ice cream. By setting realistic expectations, you not only prepare them for
what will take place, but it will also rein in some of their unrealistic
expectations, like being able to eat three pieces of cake!
Make a Plan.
Break down the event into manageable steps. Talk about what’s going to happen
and when. Involve your child in the planning process—let them decide if they
want a snack before the party, who will carry the present, and whether you’ll
be staying at the party or just dropping them off. Think ahead of time about
what things need to be set as expectations and what you can let them decide.
For example, I set a spending limit for gifts, but I let my children pick what
they want to buy within that price range. Giving them a say in the plan helps
them feel more in control and confident.
Step 3: Problem-Solving Power
Imagine All the
Possibilities. Now, let’s tackle the potential curveballs. Discuss any
situations that could be an emotional trigger for your child in advance. For
example, if your child only likes chocolate cake, ask them what kind of cake
they think will be at the party and discuss the possibility that it might not
be chocolate. Together, brainstorm solutions—whether it’s taking deep breaths
if they start to feel overwhelmed, politely declining the cake, or having a
backup plan like going for chocolate cupcakes afterward. This approach not only
prepares them for what might happen but also trains their brain to think in
problem-solving mode. When unexpected things arise, they’ll have the tools to
manage their emotions effectively.
Get Out of Jail Free
Card. It is always a good idea to have a plan for if things get to be too
much. I call this the get-out-of-jail-free card. It can be a word or a hand
signal that you and your child both know and understand. Your child can use
this signal to tell you that they need a break without being embarrassed in
front of their friends. When they use the signal, come up with a reason to
excuse you and your child to a private spot where you can find out what is
happening. Often after talking through their feelings, they will be ready to go
back, but if not this gives your child the chance to tell you they want to
leave. The get-out-of-jail-free card can give kids a sense of security knowing
that they can talk to you or leave if they need to.
After the Event:
Reflect. Once the event is over, take some time to talk
about how things went. Discuss what was planned and what actually happened. Ask
your child how they felt during the event and explore any moments when they
struggled to manage their emotions. Encourage them to think of ways they might
handle similar situations differently next time. Even though the event is over,
that doesn’t mean the learning is!
Celebrate. Don’t forget to celebrate all the small wins
along the way! If you saw your child use a coping mechanism like deep
breathing, celebrate! Did they say “no thank you” to the vanilla cake?
Celebrate! The more we can positively reinforce emotional awareness and
emotional management the more our kids will practice it.
Conclusion: Practice,
Prepare, and Problem-Solve. Helping your child understand and manage their
emotions before big events sets them up for success—not just for the event
itself, but for navigating life’s many ups and downs with confidence and
resilience!
Purchase links:
About the Author:
Nicole Oke is an award-winning children’s book
author, mother, and member of the wildland firefighting community. She is based
in Boise, Idaho, where she works at the National Interagency Fire Center and
spends her spare time as a Girl Scout leader, helping to build tomorrow’s
leaders.
Nicole is a champion of social-emotional intelligence. As
the parent of two girls with big emotions, she understands the importance of
teaching children the skills they need to identify, process, and regulate
emotions.
Her debut bestselling book, Penny Panda and the Gift of
Possibility, was the first in a series of books that provide children and
parents with the tools to talk about emotions and emotional skills that will
last them a lifetime!
For more information, visit https://nicoleokeauthor.com.
https://www.instagram.com/nicole.oke.author
https://www.facebook.com/nicole.oke.author
https://www.linkedin.com/in/nicole-oke-1b38521a4/
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